regretably, i do not give people a good first impression of what i am capable of doing.

again and again, my capability and determinations are questioned and challenged by those people who are standing aside with cold eyes wondering when i am going to fail, as well as those who are waiting for me to make a clown out of myself….

who would expect a guy with such unappealing exterior to dominate the top rank during his primary school years for most of the years? and who would expect this guy, who nobody would recognize when walking on a street, able to do story telling, syarahan, recite a poem and win prize for it? and who would expect him to beat the math genius in his school and came up top in the math competition??

well, he broke everyone’s spectacles when he did all that…..including his own….

who would expect him to sing and draw and dance…….(wait….he did not do that….he sucked at those stuff….)

i believe i am not wrong when i say that even my close relative did not put high hopes on me. given my different way of upbringing, i believe many wouldn’t expect me to go far…..they would be glad if i don’t cause any trouble or do something humiliating….but as years go by, i believe tht i’ve changed they prospect of how things should be….(some even name their children’s name after mine)……of course, i wasn’t told this untill i was older….and i was glad that i did not waste the care and support of those who really loved me….

the major part of my behaviour and personallity was inherited from both my parents who do not acknowledge giving up as a valid option, as well as constant challenges who demands myself to be better, stronger to free myself from constant suppression of others.

i do reliase that i am different than other guy friends around me….with different interest, priority and stuff……( altho we are very much close to each other)…maybe it’s because i put an imaginary weight on my shoulders. i have something to prove, to myself, and those who are around me, either to see me fail, or those who have wishful hopes for me…..i need to show them that i am more than who they think i am….

i did, along this rocky pathway, grumble about my luck, of why i have to go through all the hardship, while some would enjoy the same amount of luck, praise, and dignity with much less effort….but then i reliase that this might be what my destiny is like….having constantly to prove myself worthy…well, if that’s the way it is, i will gladly take up the challenge…

i dare not say i have good physical stamina….due to my external limitation :P…. but if you wanna compare stamina in terms of stubborness and determination….i have absolute confidence in it….

i do not think i am destined to fail. if i did, i wouldn’t have made it this far. thus, there’s no reason for me to give up now…..

actually the reason i write this post is about the never ending discussion of how bad the quality of russian education is…both by the impression of doctors and jpa in msia as well as the population in general….this has been a fruitless debate since i came in in first year….and well, after several years of remission, apparently the economic crisis recently has caused the exacerbation of this discussion……(somebody has to take the blame for every bad things happening around)….

and this has caused many worries among parents and the students here about how their future is going to be in malaysia later….it’s like giving them a death sentence without a fair trial….not even a chance to proove themselve…this thought is depressing….it’s something those people who stay constantly in warm climate wouldn’t understand……the long winter, the mood swing, the constant suppression….uhhhh…..

i looked back at how i describe and compare the different education system using my “orbit and pie theory“…..i seriously think that it was brilliant explaination tho….

i am done  with the oral explaination. i will prove it with my action when i graduate later….i do not guarantee the quality of the education as well as the graduates from russia as i do not have such a big power to exert influence to everyone…..all i can do is to serve my part well and be the best i can….

i will do my best to break each of the spectacles who once looked down upon me. i will make those ignorant people feel sorry and ashamed of themselves for labelling/ generalizing other people based on rumours and false impression….

if i am destined to face such challenges under such biased, predetermined conditions, so be it….i am used to such hostile environment anyway…

“凯”in my name designate victory. if you choose to stand in my way, too bad then, you are destined to loose…..