SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

our university is hosting its 1st intervarsity games this year….which is in one month time.

this is supposed to be a prestigous event for all of us….you know, like how msia hosted commonwealth games in 1998….to make our country well known to other ppl…this event is supposed to make ppl know about nizhny novgorod and our academy to other ppl….this is why the dean’s office is also kancheong and looking forward to this game with great anticipations….

however, things are totally different with the students here….catch anyone u see in the hostel and ask them about this coming nizhny games. i can assure you non of them know anything about it…the dean’s are rushing us (or rather the committee) to update them about the game progress from time to time…but still it seems like "the eunuchs(sida-sida) are more kancheong than the emperor"…..

as we inherited the spirit of our motherland, many of the students here wished that we never had promised to take this job, which seems very unprofitable and comes with huge responsibility they are not willing or not able to take. some will wish that they were sri lankans, africans, or even russians so that they would not need to participate in this. and most of them, although aware that this event will happen afterall, still choose to be ignorant and hope that things will go as planned without bothering them abit. they don’t see it as something to be proud of, but instead, a burden, or a shame if not done correctly.

on the other hand, there are some minorities….really really small amount of them who are berkobar-kobar wanna make this event successful and at least presentable to all. however the little fire they have inside them are often extinguished by those cold feedback from ppl who wished this event doesn’t existed…and plus, their "semangatness" are often questioned and related to what profit they might get from this event….this, is msian’s spirit.

it doesn’t matter which category i fall into.

some people start to think about their studies, on how much study time they will miss during this event (which last about 3 days, 2 of them are saturdays and sundays), how many other things they could do if they do not participate in that…..but in fact, these 3 days, if not asked to help out in the event, passes like a flash without us noticing. as i’m typing this, it’s already sunday. and my study progress is still stucked at friday. 2 days just passed by without any feeling.

but when someone wants to take these 3 days from you, it makes a whole world of difference. some are even willing to pay 5000usd in order NOT to participate in this….haha…

i can’t seemed to figure out the reason of this lack of spirit untill just now.

a guy was assigned a job whom he refused to take, no matter what (he’s the guy who is willing to pay 5000usd). he, as of other msians here, doesnt give a damn about what is happening in this nizhny games. the only difference is he is brave enough to say "I DON CARE" and " I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS RESPONSIBILITY"

then there were these persuation about how we "should" be one, how we "should" be united as a malaysians, how we "should" ALL play our part in this games.

if things were as simple as what we should and should not do, things would be much simpler. the problem is, there’s nothing obligatory here. everything is voluntary from the fundings, the cookings, finding the venue, the negotiations and to the manpower. nobody can DEMAND other ppl to do their job, the can only BAG for their mercy to spare the little time they have to help up. the thing is, why should these kind, highly spirited ppl who volunteer themselves to bare this burden to kneel down and bag so pathetically? what do they get from all these? nobody in their right mind would do this, in my opinion.

after meeting that guy, i understanded that fact. there’s nothing we could do to MAKE them do their job.

then something struck my mind.

few years back in my blog entried i mentioned how adults are "stupid", that we become more stupider as time pass by. adults don’t have the flexibility the children have in terms of adaptation to the surroundings. they can’t absorb new information who would change their opinions about things, most of all, they loose the "spirit" young ppl have.

i realised that most of us here are entering the age of adulthood, the era of stupidity….we are no longer the hot blooded youngsters we used to be. we are turning into the boring adults we used to complained, apparently not that many years ago. we are getting older by the days looking at things at a more realistic point of view, like what benifit i we get from what we do. we have forgotten of how it feels like to share a common goal, to be part of something grand and to feel proud of it. being realistic means to look at things more to the negative site, to loose the ability to dream.

the failing experience we had in the past is making us confine ourselves to a "safe zone". we loose the adventurous spirit we had to take risk, as we fear that we would loose.

as we grow up, the more things we see, the more "faith" we loose. i don’t mean the faith in God, but the faith in humanity in general. as we get dissapointed by empty promises, the more defence we build up for ourselves, the less faith we have in other human being. but this faith is what pulling us together. if we loose this, nothing good will turn out of it.

at the same time, we are not old enough to think things in an economical point of view, like how much money we could earn from those ppl coming to compete, without money as motivation, no ordinary "adults" will do anything for free….

thus, we are not at this so called "transition age" or what i would like to call "awkward stage"…possessing abit of each, but not enough to call it "something"….

do u remember how your school compete with other school around the region for ranking in results, chess competition, football, badminton, basketball competition?

do u remember how badly you wanna beat your opponent from other school because u wanna uphold your school’s prestige?

were you humiliated when people say that your school is of low standard in terms of results, sports and moral?

do you remember how you and your friends were studying together hard, to face the common challenge–upsr, pmr, spm??

do you remember how we all had the same fear of not doing well in the exams, and how we cried(maybe not) together because of the uncertainty lying ahead of us??

do u remember how we comforted during hard times during those ups and downs…??

it might seems something naive, and "uncool" to you now, but do you remember how good it felt during those times when all of us were together, fighting towards that common aim?? do you remember how right it felt when u succeeded? and even if you failed, it still feels good to know that ppl around you are crying with u…..

most of us have lost this feeling…..and this might just be the thing you feel "missing" in your life now. without this "soul", you are just a walking corpse.

we can’t resist the biological process happening within us, but we can keep the young mentality, being flexible, adaptative and high spirit, while not loosing the mature analytical thinking from the experience we get all these years…

keep the spirit high, ppl! don become "stupid"