being “useful”, or at least “usable”…..
in a community we often need to depend on someone to help us to achieve something. and others might have the same need for our capability to achieve something too…give and take. this is what people do.you can say we are helping each other, or you can say we are "using" each other to achieve our respective goals. it makes no difference….really…
conflict arises when this "giving" and "taking" balance become disrupted. the person who always give and never recieve will feel that he is loosing something.
he will start to think that ppl get near him because they want something from him. and he’s worried that one day when he’s of no usable value ie. if he cannot offer what other ppl demands of him, he will be ignored, forgotten, and he’ll eventually loose the reputation and status he has now….
it’s cruel to say, but it’s the reality. many, i believe, have this worry. you can grumble all you want, but when you are surrounded like people like this, you will eventually need to adapt to survive in this realistic world. you can say u oni want "true" friends around you like your high school friends who are true and sincere to you, but you can’t isolate yourself from the rest of the world…
the idea is to make yourself "useful"…..or at least of some "usable" values. don’t be despair to think that ppl are just using you for your capability and they are not true to you. instead be glad that you are being "used"….at least it shows your value, that u will be asked for help by someone who "needs" you….and their success depends on your mercy…
this value determines your power. as long as you are "useful", you are in power. you are not being manipulated as the word "used" indicates, but instead you have to power to manipulate. you have the choice of choosing and the right to demand when you are "useful". those who need your help are subjected to your will, mood, emotion, judgement…..whatever that will make you help them achieve their goals…
but what if your primary concern comes, when you loose your value one day? well, there’s nothing u can really do actually, other than turn the wheels around and subject yourself to other people’s mercy instead. what why let that day come? why not keep improving yourself and make yourself constantly "useful" all the time so that you will be treasured for your capability. it’s better if u could "immortalize" this value by making yourself useful in someway irreplacable by others…
being paranoid by stopping to be "useful" just because you don want to feel like being used isn’t the right way to protect yourself from being hurt. there’s always other people who is "useful" to them out there.if you stop improving just because you don want to be used, you will stuck there and and eventually loose your market value….it’s like burning the padi field during the war, you do not let other people get food for war, but you do not get any either…
so make yourself useful, or at least usable, and be glad that you are still being used….
