SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

today was supposed to be a holiday…a real holiday after 2 months of struggling…

for some reason today became the busiest and unlucky day for me….

i planned my 5 day’s holiday properly. and that included studying, settling my hostel fees, taking imigration card, passing up my project for summer practical, doing some groceries, watching some movies, blogging….etc…

so to ensure smooth holiday ahead, i plan to do most of the above today coz those requires me to go to dean’s office which is like so far…and time consuming…

it’s not everyday that one knows that everything will go wrong the moment he wakes up….and this is one of those days for me…

this morning i woke up with a stiff neck.like terseliuh or something…i hate it when it hurts to even try turning my head…

at 8 am i went to some hospital in the town to pass up my summer practical report, after warning from dean’s office the day before

i was suppoed to go to hospital with a junior after that but there was sudden change of plan…blah blah blah…..nevermind…it doesn’t have any direct significance anyway….

so somehow i ended up in ikea…(coz due to the sudden change of plan…i decided to go for groceries shopping…which i don’t really need now anyway)…

i feel clumsy today…somehow i feel like i’m gonna loose something…

i almost drop 10000 roubles when trying to take out my key from the pocket…..but managed to realise it in time…

i bought a gassy mineral water instead of normal drinking water from the vending machine…now everyone knows how we hate gassy mineral water…..with the tasteless gas that makes u burp but somewhat bitter…why la the russians like it so much…..

and for the climax, i lost my bank card!!!

worse is, i didn’t realise it untill i came back home….when i wanna withdraw money again to pay for my hostel fee…

i looked everywhere in the room but not found….best guess is that i lost it somewhere in ikea…

i called my friends who were still there to help me find….but still no luck…

based on my impatience and stubborness, i would normally go back to ikea and find it myself, altho it is situated like 45 minutes away from my hostel…

but now i am resticted…i have to go to dean’s by today to collect my imigration card and to pay my hostel fee…which after paying, leaves me no more money liao…sob sob…

on my way back…was stuck in a traffic jam for 1 hour…making me even more frustrated…

to top up, i have the extra practical from 4 to 6…..which drained away my remaining energy….leaving me with a shell with nothing inside now…..but i was glad the teacher was kind…she’s an obstetrician….i feel that she has some "healing" power….making me feel comfortable in her class altho with the remaining of an empty shell in my head…

i think this might be "karma" la….for the sins i’ve done recently…including criticizing other ppl with hurtful words (altho to me that time it just seemed sarcastic),being somewhat selfish…kiasu-ness….the desire to win…

to be frank, i don like the me right now..cause i kinda feel the unpleasant "aura" in me when i have certain desire to win, to say out something which doesn’t nessasary mean what i want it to be….but just seems "cool" at the moment…

i find that my mind is not as clear anymore….

probably it’s because i seldom meditate lately, and neglect my religion when i get busy…

i feel sorry for that too…

i am a strong believer of karma. i believe when i do something wrong, something bad will happen to me to compensate that….untill all the "debt" is being paid…

so i take this lost of my bank card as a karma strikes back….

why is it important, you ask??

well, first of all, the bank card is my only source of income. without it, no money…

no money means i cannot do alot of stuff….

and the card is where jpa deposit the money….so without it, i’m officially on FAMA schoalrship now…means more burden to mom and dad…and that’s bad karma…of course i can write a letter to change bank account to deposit the money….but that would be additional trouble…

and i probably need to go back during winter to settle my bank card and to apply a new one…

i therefore might not be able to go for winter holiday….(but if u guys got any plan remember to ajak me k….dun assume i dun wanna join coz i pokai liao…hehe)

and there are many more "side effects" i could think of from loosing this small little bank card…

i feel sorry for troubling my mom since 7 pm msian time till 1 am…coz i’m having class in between and she had to wait…and the line just sucks….but good thing she understands my behaviour and temper well….she knows that i would be panic. and altho i know she is as kan cheong as me…..she tried to calm me down….

after several attempts to talk on the phone with a bad line…i managed to pass all the msg….and the card was cancelled…

this made me realise how much she loves me….and how much love i should give back in return….altho it was 1 am….and she must be very tired….she still listen to me patiently…without a trace of tiredness….me on the other hand…..was just exhausted and frustrated with everything happening now…

i will hug her tight tight and kiss her the next time i go back….

i was very grumpy just now….and i might be abit harsh in words to some ppl…altho i can’t really recall….so i hereby apologize…

and i am very thankful for those who expressed sympathy and cared enough to ask bout me…..and even offered to lend me some money….very appriciate them…

very tired now…wanna sleep liao…

hope tomorrow will be a better day/…..

p/s: i used to say that my lost stuff will return to me…someday, somehow….and that i nv loose my stuff….today, i take it back…

aim: to be a better person, collect good karma….