self-abase no more….
being a normal human being, i too, had gone through the period that where i cared so much about what other ppl think about myself, letting others define my own value, trying to fit in to a particular group and so on….i even considered changing myself to someone who is not me to be in a group that i really wanted to be in, just because i had the perception that best friends should have the same interest, hobby, skills….blah blah blah…
i would have cared so much if ppl didn’t like me….or if i offend somebody….i would ask myself what i’ve done that ppl do not like me. the question "why" will always be directed to myself if i’m forgotten in any occasion/celebration, why am i not invited to a party…etc…
now i don’t really care anymore….
not that i close myself to other ppl’s opinion and critics….but rather, i open myself to my own thoughts, to do things i think is right, and most importantly, to put the right to define my value and social status in my very own hand….and all others will come later…
my friends,even if we do not have the same interest, as long as we are happy hanging out together,knowing that we are all doing great in our field of interest,i’m satisfied……even if we have no common topics whatsoever….
any party without me is not a party anyway….so why feel left out, right?
when i first came back here…i got to know from an accidental conversation that someone here wants to see me fail, or rather is waiting for me to fail…( and well, as in any other gossip, i failed to obtain the identity of that person from the gossiper, the so called "confidentiality" among the keh poh chi…)….when i first heard that info…..i was stunned for a while….although i would guess that being at high profile sometimes(not intentionally) would invite alot of troubles….but never have i heard it myself….i couldn’t understand why anyone could hate me….i thought i was being nice…altho sometimes being sarcastic….but i nv mean bad…
after that i understand that it’s difficult to please everyone…i could try….but it’s difficult….
but hey. why do i need to please everyone??? how come no one come and please me??
so i figured….those that hate me…or waiting to see me fail….is not worth my effort after all, in any sense…
if you don’t like me, i do not have to like you either…
i am tired trying to make other ppl happy while putting my own happiness at stake…
chinese has a saying that goes like one must look down on himself first in order for others to look down on him…
you know in some teenagers movie when there’s these bunch of gals who likes to divide their schoolmates into the "cool" bunch and the"nerd" bunch…..and only the "cool" ones are invited to the parties…..i dunno bout u guys, but i despise these kind of ppl….i mean who they think they are determing who the ppl are "cool"…
and the worse thing is those who are labelled "nerd" by these stupid gals actually feel inferior to them…
i dunno why, but i have the tendency to stand on the more "suppressed" side….in this case, the "nerd" site…(of course i do not regard myself as a "nerd", altho some might beg to differ…) i always have the sympathy for the weaker side and wishing to help them to overcome/beat the stronger side…(to obtain equilibrium maybe)
i do not know where i get the confidence from…but i think self esteem is the 1st step to escape from the "nerd" group…
i pity those who thinks ppl are always looking down at him….when in fact the only person looking down at him is himself…
we should first set our own value, determine where we stand in the society, and then see the world the other ppl from that point of view…
