SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

"I am always right"..and "of course i’m right la, since when was i ever wrong about anything??"….these has been my favourite quote in class during this semester…if you’ve ask my groupmates they would all agree with you….

you might think that i am an arrogant, overcondifent, "poyo" , bodoh sombong guy. but before u start judging me, let me explain why…

well, to be frank, when i utter these words, i am not saying to other people, but rather to myself……it’s kind of like a self-hypnosis…keep on telling yourself that u can do it, and finally achieve the impossible….

i find that i worry too much on stuff, and i need confidence. and since my ego won’t allow me to beg for other’s assurance and encouragement that this "apparently-stupid-looking-face" can do the impossibles…..i’ll just have to do it myself….

and from the stand point that "i am always right"….i am now brave enough to set my own rules of life….determining which is good and bad for me… and distinguishing my own philosophy….

so yea….i need confidence….but why say it out loud to let people think that i am arrogant when i am in fact not…..???

well, it’s a standard i set for myself. see, when u just make some brave and radical statements to yourself (for eg "i am always right")…..you could just forget about it after u make a mistake….knowing that no one knows about your statement and u are not soooo embarassed….

on the other hand, when you utter those words out in public, having lots of pairs of ears to witness, it’s very embarassing if your radical statements turn out to be otherwise…thus saying "i’m always right" all the time….it’s a standard and burden i put onto myself  not to make mistakes to save myself from the embarassment…

in order for this to work, you need 2 criteria….

1st one is you must have enough ego that could never take such embarassment in case you fail….so that u push yourself as much as u can to reach the goal…

2nd is you must have people that want to see you fail….that can’t wait to step on you when u fall, laugh his/her heart out when u fail….someone u know that u would rather die than fail in front of him/her ….

or

someone who has high hopes on you, someone u do not wish to dissapoint…or someone who so looks highly on you that  you do not wish to crush their fantasy

fortunately for me, i do possess both of the criteria….

plus, this statement give people more confidence and assurance of what i do…..only one statement says it all….and i need not further convince other people of what i do …despite having the risk of criticizing me after anything goes wrong…..which seldom happen….

it’s important to be "always right"….because as a future doctor, your patient’s life is at stake….when you are "maybe wrong"…..ur patient dies…..it’s important to let patients feel save in your hands….so that they cooperate with u and fight the disease together…

of course, human makes mistake. but that should not be an excuse to make one because the price to pay is too high (as a doc)….by this "i am always right" hypnosis, you do not allow yourself to make mistake(s). it’s like you are putting yourself at the edge of the cliff, once you fall, there’s no turning back…..and that is how serious each doctor should treat each patient each time….

my mom always teaches me to be down to earth, not to be too arrogant as it’s the most fatal predisposing factor to failure….

but in fact, i am still the careful people i used to be, not missing any details….not being clouded my the "i am always right" hypnosis…

and despite being right most of the time after this "hypnosis"….i would still keep my feet on the ground….