SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

"Adolf Hitler" and "neo-nazi" and "skinheads" are the terms that everybody in my hostel get acquainted with in the past 2 weeks. indeed, the former 2 were last heard (seen) in my sejarah text book in form 4. i know  one of the aim of learning history is to learn from the past… but it never come across my mind that it would affect my life directly. when i learnt history, it was just reading stories and remembering them for the exams for me. how was i supposed to know that the " creature " in a story book can come out of it and haunt you??

seriously, i do not like to praise or condemn other people because i believe that everyone is bornt the same, biologically…(i do not consider variaties among species). i don’t care about the guy mentioned above, i don care how much power he had, how much money, how many wives, how he influence other people’s thought…i just don care, not UNLESS he affects my study life here in russia….

how does a dead person influence my life,u may ask….well, it’s not him. it’s his ideology. his death did not bring all his evil thoughts (for some) together with him. apparently his ideology is still diagung-agungkan by certain people. after the fall of Nazi in the ww2, the remnants of it  were still practicing his ideology….they are called neo-nazi…..i do not know the details of his ideology, and i DON CARE. all i know is in russia there are ppl called "skinheads" who has this large army in st. petersburg and varonesh, go around killing foreigners because of some unknown-to-me ideology of hitler.

xenophobia– fear of foreign things. they say these skinheads’  actions are based on fear of foreigners. maybe russia had some pass history with foreigners, i don’t know…..but don la sampai lepaskan geram on us….like they have nothing better to do…maybe they feel like we are here to take away everything they have or sth like that…..but what the heck, we are paying so so so much for our education and living here…..we are the one that actually feed them…..tak kenang budi nevermind, still give us the pathetic face when we buy stuff in the shops and worse, invade our safety and kill us……just like kena bitten by the dog after feeding it…

ok, back to the main story that i am TRAPPED….. so apparently, these few days (april 20-21…i dunno…and again…I DUN CARE….) is supposed to be hitler’s birthday…and the "skinheads" are very active during these few days…. it’s like they would kill people as a "ritual" for remember him or something like that….but it doesn’t really affect us last year or the year before. nizhny was considered a quite peaceful place. but this year, they have decided to choose nizhny as the place of meeting…out so so many places in this country, they HAVE to choose the place where i live and study…

so great lo…..now, after the strike incident, the dean’s office are now more alert than ever. they have taken drastic actions to prevent any tragedy that might happen.

1) all classes out of the territory of our hostel and campus are cancelled for these 2 days. this doesn’t affect me much actually, because all my important classes are nearby.

2)students are not advised to go anywhere out of this territory. even when i wanna go across the road to buy some groceries, i was asked to think twice, looking for suspicious ppl when i cross the road, always looking at the back for ppl following…

3)polices and armies are posted near our hostel and within the territory of this area. of course their presence are to ensure our safety, but indirectly gives me the impression that we are guarded and that we are staying in prison.

4) to settle the student’s affairs, the dean’s office was shifted to the russian department temporarily which is in our hostel so that students do not need to risk their lives travelling to the real place which is the town center and where the skinheads are thought to be very active.

5) this is a good one. all classes nearby hostels are the responsibilities of the last teacher of the day. the teachers are to escort the students back to their hostels after the last class….. this is very thoughtful of the dean’s office man…..so touching…

so, why am i TRAPPED?? i  feel like i am in prison. altho we are not restricted by law not to go anywhere. the pressure we feel for the fear of being one of the victim of their rituals makes us trapped psychologically and emotionally. it is worse than prison. at least u know you are safe in prison. the lack of sense of security would really cause psychological disease if this goes on.

my russian teacher, when we happened to bring up this issue in the class, told us that she did not understand what with their mentality. she do not understand how people could behave like this. most of them are youngsters. she said that in the ww2 Russia participated in the fight against the Nazi’s. In russia, every family’s men were called to war. and many of them died (1/5). so left the children and the womens at home.they suffered greatly for this lost. logically, they should hate these Nazi’s and this ideology right??…..but no……..the so called young generation is still very excited about this idea and have forgotten what their ancestors were fighting against…

altho it’s impropriate for me to say this, but maybe the the incident of our senior who got beaten up is a blessing in disguise. if he did not get beaten, we might not have strike, and the dean’s office might not take such actions, and our life might be more at risk. so he has done something good for everyone here…..although maybe against his own will…..for this, i thank you.

freedom is important for me. i wish i could be freed form this "imaginary" cage soon…

(p/s: cast a vote on my multiply pole on "which is more important, security or freedom??" )