a new beginning…
many stuff troubling me lately. i have problem with almost eveything since i fall sick. not that i am facing any problem.juz emotionally troubled. but i tend to loose motivation to do something. it’s like bored, but it’s much worse than that. it makes me feel worthless. i don have the sense of satisfaction of doing what i am doing anymore. maybe i am having the so called "quater-life crisis"….. i lost the basic sense of being "touched"(chinese-gan dong)….dunno how to say…. it’s a feeling of anxiety when you see/hear something touching….when you feel the adrenaline rushing through your body and suddenly you feel that you can do anything.. it’s very important to me….it makes my instinct sharper whenever i have this sense of anxiety..it is a great pushing force making me who i am today. without it, i don feel like me anymore. maybe in the eyes of others, it may seemed unreasonable or too emotional… but if u’ve felt it before, you’d understand….. now i don have the feeling of being "touched "anymore. i am lost now. i am trying to find something lost in my life. i understand no one can help me. this search for myself might take a long time….and i might drown in the process….but hey, i am me…if anyone can get out of this crap, i can….because i believe have a heart of phoenix,having the ability of resurrection after being burnt into ashes….so now…i’ll let it die….have a rest…waiting for my time to revive again… it has been a ritual to cut my hair eveytime before a test or exam….since primary school. i still practice it now as i believe my brain do not need to support such heavy burden.yesterday had the urge to cut my hair…hopefully with that i can have a new start in my life…letting me see things clearer….no more as blur and as lost as now… this is the shortest haircut i’ve had so far…..it’s my personal limit…kinda funny….some say i look like sami …some say i juz came out from pusat serenti… but well, this is my way to remind myself of my determination….to find back the lost spirit….to become ng khai lip again… p/s: this is the only chance you will get to see khai lip botak…cherish this oppotunity..haha..
