late celebration
after 1 month of struggling….finally finished my exam. it has been a torture, both mentally and physically. this exam requires determination, stamina, strong will, good health and luck. it really test our brain capacity limit, making me realise that my ambition to become a doctor is not an easy choice after all…
i still remember how it feels esp few days before exam. it’s like i’ve lost all my senses. i had reached the state where i dunno whether i’m hungry or full, tired or fresh. i feeled hungry when i start studying, but no apetite to eat. i am physically tired but i juz can’t sleep when i get into bed. this feeling has been a routine for me for the whole of january 2006.
my room has turned into a total mess. clothes everywhere, books on the floor, unwashed dishes, messy bed,etc. really had no time to clean up everything, what more to have the mood to prepare myself for coming chinese new year.
i would never forget this experience. having to prepare for a big exam on cny. my reunion dinner was with a few friends in mc d. itupun in a hurry. really feel like crying. the sense of emptiness during such big festive season when everyone recieve angpau happily while i have to prepare for exam…..unbarable. and the thought of having to suffer this situation for another 4 year made my mood worse. really feel envious of those who can eat a proper reunion dinner with family and those who can celebrate cny with their family.
yesterday was the worst. i think the worse cny i have ever had. seeing other people who finished exam ealier celebrating…..gives unnessasary pressure to me. (my group was scheduled to do exam later)
note to self : for the next sem, i will be the first to do exam in all subjects,
i was thinking yesterday. what if i do badly today. is the period of cny. would i have bad luck for the rest of the year??
again and again i reassured myself, that i’ve done my best. and the rest is up to Him to lead me to the result i deserve. but the thought of failing and dissapointment kept hunting me.
and due to intensive brain activity, i have insomnia for last few days. it’s like it(my brain) won’t slow down to rest. and that’s bad…..
well. now everything is over. and all the hardwork paid off.
today i went out the hostel gazing at the gloomy sky. when i came out of the examination hall, the same sky looks brighter and sunnier….
i’m going clean up the mess i’ve done for the pass month. let it have some cny atmosphere. and tonight, i’ll come up with something to fill up the chinese new year i’ve missed yeaterday.
then i’m going to pack…..for i’m going to egypt as an ‘angpau’ for myself for all the hard work…. and i think i deserve it.
happy chinese new year u guys
