SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

  browsed through a few contacts in friendster and found this common pictue picture in one of their photos. this shows how much that gathering 3 months ago meant to us….

dunno whether thee will be another gathering like this in the future or not….now that everyone enters uni and going oversea….

this photo personally meant alot to me….reminds me of the good old days (walau i sound so old)…it doesn’t matter whether u have the most canggih camera in this wolrd …it doesn’t mean anything if u can’t take a great picture like this…

i regreted not having a digicam during secondary school….or else we could take more of these group pictures…

it feels good to be in the limelight, centre of attention, when people notices u and talk about and wat u do all the time…..it’s something some people would risk anything to have—all the attention they need, even for a short time, risking anything juz so everybody notice him

for those who are always in the limelight, perhaps they won’t understand the feeling of being lonely. the term "monophobia"—-fear of being alone meant nothing to them…nobody could understand the pain….because watever they do, people will know…

do you know how it feels to check the mail everyday juz to find that it’s empty? how u wish would get a personal msg from a close friend and not juz notices like "xxx has updated his friendster blog" . the fuss of finally getting a mail juz to find that it’s a forwarded one….

do u know how it feels to have the feeling that the only reason people know you and approach u is to get sth from you? when every phone call u recieve is to ask you about homework, every visitor that knocks on your door is to get lecture notes from you….juz coz they know that u are hardworking (and stupid enough) to attend all the lectures.

do u know how it feels to be left out in some important function, uninvited to birthday parties…..

do u know how it feels to have somebody to think that u are not one of them….that u are somehow different from them…..the odd one…and seems hard for you to fit in to that particular group…..no matter how hard u try

do u wish u can be part of everything that happens around you….but somehow u are always forgotten ??

do u know how it feel to be left out in a "thank you"list??

do u know how it feels to love other people and not getting the love u hope for in return??

do u know how it feels like to stay in the room the whole day…wanting very much to talk to somebody…but seemed that no one would understand….or everyone else is too busy with their home task and exams….or the fear that people will look down on you once u show them the other side of you (the weaker one)…??

do u check your msn msger every 2 hours with the hope that u find somebody to talk to??

and when the people that u know finally online….you have so much to talk to but u dun know where to start?? in the end…..it’s juz the formal questions that is askes……..

do u know the pain when your closest friends to talk to you when you have nothing to do is your text books???

ever admire other people who is in the center of atention and wish you were like them??

do u ever wish that u din’t concentrate that much on your studies and concentrate more on social aspect??….to think that all these would be better if u did…..

some people juz have the ‘touch’ to draw people’s attention…while ohters….juz fail to do so…maybe it’s not present in their gene….

to those who never feel loneliness before…try this….hide yourself in the dark,cold corner where nobody can see you…..stay there for a night….

well….i don have to do that….i know perfectly how it feels…….esp in this cold and dark weather….

i think many parents make this mistake when educating their children when they forget the most important lessons——"nothing is impossible".

since young wat we learn are control by them, the system of education, everybody else around us who are older than us and think they know much better than us because they live longer in this world….they determine what we should know…wat is "he/she’s too young to learn about this"….he won’t understand….why?? because he didn’t understand it when he is that age…

in order to be "educated", we enter school. fine.now the system of education determine wat we can handle and wat we can’t. when i was in std one.i didn’t have BI, Science…etc…because they think we are too young for that……so we missed an oppotunity to learn sth useful when our brain are still smart(remember my previous blogs that say adults are stupid)…when we it is still like a sponge that absorb everything….

and what happened to art,music, and other important subject?? because it’s not an examination subject..teachers tend to neglect it….

now the parents….(i don mean to offend every parents in this world)….most of them are too protective of their children…and they often tend to underestimate thier ability to understand the surrounding…or maybe they juz can’t accept the fact that children are learning at the faster rate than what they have expected…because in their memory long long time ago…that was too fast….so they tried to stop them….by setting rules and regulation…not letting the children do wat they are capable of doing…..because "they are not ready"

the fact is….we(human) are evolving over the years….and people will eventually get smarter and smarter….so the system of education should not be set to limit the progress of the children, instead should let them explore thier endless possibilities…..

many famous sceientist and pioneer of those famous theory who try to explains the world’s pheomenon…..i believe they are not under a controlled environment….when they begin their research….they didn’t set a final destination or a limit to it… coz if they do, they wouldn’t think of something new, something that is not thought by other people….

well, somebody told me recently that there’s a "genius" in our academy….he achieve many good results….and was recognized by the lecturer and those who are same batch as him..(he’s a senior la)…but then this "genius" word makes him like undefeated, as if forever inapproachable by others….in this case, he is the ultimate limit. but what is the oint of that??/why limit yourself when you have the chance or possibility to overtake him…. why suppress yourself to be the "gënius" in you??

conclusion: "genius" is just a word you use on others to limit yourself

i’m not saying that he’s not smart(coz i dunno him)….but he is not your limit…that’s all…he might juz be fulfilling what is needed from him in this society….and he’s able to do it well..that’s all….

IQ tests puts Einstien as the top…he is the ultimate limit…that means over the years….even if there ARE people who is smarter than him….would be neglected…in other words….our knowledge is limited to what he knows…everything else would be….useless….

maybe this has happened to you before "you see XXX……do so well in studies….you should follow like him…."

it’s ok to look up to others…..but the problem is your final aim….is not to be same as your target…but to overtake it….that means you can’t set your target as 100%….or else you would be forever less than he/she…..leave some space for your improvement….maybe juz set he/she as 80 to 90….so that u can achieve the final 100%

but try to appriciate yourself…someday if you keep trying to catch up other people’s pace….you will get tired…because you will never reach your destination if you keep following behind others…..

of course genetically, some have better developed mind than others…i can’t deny that….but when we are limited not by our limit, but by the limit set by others…that’s juz too sad….

i’m glad that my parents didn’t limit me in my process of growing….i made most of my choice….ie. i learn art in std 3…when i know art is not my thing….i was glad they let me make my own decision…(or maybe i juz didn’t listen to them back then)….

someday if i have children…..i will teach them this important lesson…..