comforting= telling lies??
if you are hurt emotionally, be it in love, study or anything , and you need somebody to listen to your complains, do you want him/her to comfort you by saying sweet lies so that you feel better, or you want that fella to tell you his/her opinion so that you see the truth??
for some , they juz need a listener….somebody to talk to….they don need any opinion, comments or any answer…as they already have it in their mind…..they juz need somple respond…like "ya"," then??" "so"….for them…..you can give some opinion…or rather suggestions….but not those that oppose those "aswer" they have in their mind….
for some, they just need somebody to agree with them…..whatever answer you give them…you must agree with them in some ways….or else your comforting session will be over soon…( don be offended but i find this quite prevalent among Leos)….for example….if they did badly in exams,and they talk to you…. they will tell you why they do badly….but you often see that the reasons are seldom their fault…they will blame the teacher, the difficult/unrelavent question, the insufficient time…..but never thier carelessness, lack of preparation and stuff….(aka pride)…
so what do you do?? do you 1)agree with he/ she that ya it’s the questions fault??/ or 2) advise him or her to try harder next time?? ……would you rather tell something to comfort somebody even though u know it’s a lie….or you would show him/her the truth that you see for his/her own good??
for some, it’s rather difficult for them to see the answer…..often those in the situation doesn’t see the whole picture…they need outsiders to give them opinion… they come to you in questions…hoping that they could find some answers…..even though your asnwer might not nessesary be true….it’s enough for them to get some ideas from somebody….. but while leading them to see the answer…you mustn’t control his/her thinking….let he/she find his own answer by showing him/her the possible ways of solving that problem….but not to alter his opinion….or he’ll blame you if things did not turn out right…
for some, they would like to hear that the person that he/she talk to has the same experience…. esp those painful ones….they would feel better when they know somebody else had the same painful experience….they know that they are not alone…..but i noticed however…(maybe juz some)…if they share some happy news or joyful event….they would wish that the person that he talk to doesn’t have that experience before….they want happy things to happen to themselves oni (in some way)….because they expect to surprise or make other people envy with that kind of emotion…..for these people you can’t tell them a happier news than the happy news that they are telling you…it will make him/her jealous…
example: if a person tell you that he or she found a 100 ringgit note on the floor today…and you tell him "tak hairan la…..i found money on the floor everyday…"
or
"hey i got 90 for my XXX exam….i’m so happy…." and you say…."is it? i got hundred wor"…
well, these are not the "correct answer" you ares uppose to give… when somebody tell you a happy news..be happy with her…
correct answers are
1)"oh you are so lucky.( with the admiring face)….im sure ur luck will be good for the rest of the week"
2) "wa…so good….at least you you what you deserve for trying your best…"
well….maybe this is human nature….."you nan tong dang, you fu zhi ji xiang"
and when somebody tell you a devastating news… don ever say "i know exactly how you feel" when you actually don’t…besause you will hurt him/ her even more…
example… when a person’s close relative (eg. father) pass away…. by saying "i know how you feel"when your father is still strong and healty will make the person u are trying to comfort angry and worsen the sadness…the best you can do it’s give him /her for shoulder to cry on…and say that "i don know how you feel, but i can imagine the pain you are suffering now"
…..but the best comfort for these situations is silence…..
